Partnership, cohabitation, concubine, or any relationship other than what God instituted between a man and a woman is not marriage. Marriage is a formal union between a man and a woman. Therefore, the absence of unity or union in marriage betrays or defeats marriage. Marriage is founded on oneness of the two persons in the relationship. To maintain the oneness of unity or union, we must be guided by the Holy Spirit as espoused in scripture.
We must confess earlier mistakes which we committed without knowledge and ask for forgiveness. 1 John 1: 9-10 write, if we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. This suggests that we must stop the blame game in a marriage relationship and accept our faults. God will then forgive us and renew us in his blood as a faithful God because of Christ Jesus.
Upon acquiring scriptural knowledge, we must avoid repeating those mistakes and errors. Isaiah 29: 20 says for the tyrant shall be no more, and the scoffer shall cease to be; all those alert to do evil shall be cut off. To avoid repeating the errors, we must be alert. 1Corinthians 16: 13 says keep alert, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. We must also be disciplined. 1Peter 5: 8 says discipline yourselves, keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour. How then can we maintain the relationship as the bible has prescribed?
The general principles
Humility is pivotal in a relationship. David said in Psalms 119: 67 before I was humbled I went astray, but now I keep your word. Without humility, we will be foolhardy and wayward and despise God’s instructions. Humility invokes mutual respect and the need for each other and spiritually dependent on each other. Jesus said in Matthew 23: 12; Luke 14: 11 all who exalt themselves will be humbled, and all who humble themselves will be exalted. Jesus was humble in his relationship with the Father and his Church. Philippians 2: 8 says he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death– even death on a cross.
Unity of the spirit as stated above is critical. Jesus said in Matthew 12: 25; Mark 3: 25 Luke 11: 17 every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand. God did not create the institution of marriage to fail but to succeed as a relationship. 1 Peter 3: 8 says finally, all of you, have unity of spirit, sympathy, love of the brethren, a tender heart and a humble mind. Do not return evil for evil or reviling for reviling; but on the contrary bless, for to this you have been called, that you may obtain a blessing. Unless we keep true unity through sympathy, love, a tender heart, a humble mind and blessing each other and avoid evil or reviling, we will fail from what God ordained.
Marriage must be God-centered. Jesus said in John 15: 5 I am the vine; you are the branches… apart from me you can do nothing. We need the grace of God through the Holy Spirit to succeed in building a relationship of love that transcends acrimony and reviling. Marriage outside Christ Jesus is like building a house without foundation, it will collapse with the least wind. God made each spouse as a helper and each must honour God in discharging that duty. 1Corinthians 10: 31 says… whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God. A marriage relationship must aim at glorifying God in all circumstances. The measure of standard should be that of Christ for the church as espoused in Ephesians 5: 25.
The bible has assigned special or unique roles to each party or person in a marital relationship based on our respective composition nature and character in God’s sight. Tampering with nature in the form of gender transformation, etc. cannot be helpful since we would then be assuming a different role from that which God has intended. There are only two roles as follows:
Christian women as wives
To the wives or married women, Ephesians 5: 22 says wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. Wives must be obedient as they would to the Lord. This is unconditional to a woman’s status in society, economic power, or education etc. In effect, the woman shall recognize the man as the head in the relationship and must be accorded due respect. Paul rehashed this statement in Colossians 3: 18 wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Paul says respecting this rule pleases the Lord. Husbands must not misinterpret or misconceive this as a right to disrespect and abuse their wives.
It is written in Titus 2: 4 -5 train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be sensible, chaste, domestic, kind, and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be discredited. A wife is charged to adequately prepare her daughter for marriage. The preparation includes the tenets of love for both husband and children, not either or. A wife must not pollute a child against the father in any circumstance. She must train a child to be reasonable and apply wisdom; to be morally sound; to be measured, not abrasive; to be compassionate; and submissive to their husbands.
Anything done on the contrary may put God to shame and would make the relationship fragile. Titus 2: 7-8 says show yourselves in all respects a model of good deeds, and in your teaching show integrity, gravity, and sound speech that cannot be censured, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say of us. Christian married women must behave differently from worldly unmarried women. Christian wives do so as a soul-winning exercise for Christ Jesus, not only for the relationship. 1 Peter 3: 1 says likewise you wives, be submissive to your husbands, so that some, though do not obey the word, may be won without a word by the behaviour of their wives when they see your reverent and chaste behaviour.
Christian men as husbands
To married men, Ephesians 5: 25 says husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Some of us have neglected this sacred duty and have embraced reckless lives. This charge to love even at the peril of our lives is unconditional. Christ Jesus sacrificed his throne above and gave all his love for the church. We must also sacrifice our ego or pride and selfishness and prop up our wives and families as Christ did for which we are beneficiaries. Christ did not fault the church but encouraged it so as to be perfect through his blood.
The basis of this instruction is also that upon marriage, we become one and the same body, united in Christ Jesus. Paul elaborates in Ephesians 5: 28, even so husbands should love your wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. If our wives are part of our bodies, we cannot despise or hate our own bodies however offensive it may be, that is our lot. Unfortunately, some of us do not see our wives as part of us but two separate people because there is no unity of the spirit observed in one’s utterances or abrasive conduct or wicked intentions. Difficult as it may appear, Christ died and forgave us.
Oftentimes, because we are physically stronger than our wives, we are tempted to be harsh with them. Colossians 3: 19 says husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. We are equally charged to be gentle, kind, patient, tolerable and considerate towards our wives unconditionally. We must bestow upon them respect, dignity and honour and Christ did for the church not considering our weaknesses. 1 Peter 3: 7 says likewise you husbands, live considerately with your wives, bestowing honour on the woman as the weaker sex, since you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered. The grace of life lies in the nature and extent of respect husbands show to their spouses.
Husbands have a duty to train their young men to be as loving and responsible as scripture has said. It is written in Titus 2: 6, likewise urge the younger men to control themselves. We are to teach the young men to exercise self-control. Rush decisions and impatience have been the downfall of many in a relationship. Proverbs 14: 29 says whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but one who has hasty temper exalts folly. Lack of self-control is a mark of immaturity. Proverbs 15: 18 says those who are hot-tempered stir up strife, but those who are slow to anger calm contention.
Self-control enables husbands to reflect on issues and to reach an informed opinion. Proverbs 16: 32 says one who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and one whose temper is controlled than one who captures a city. Wisdom requires that we look at the positive sides of things, not the negative as everyone has a good side which may further our course in life. Proverbs 19: 11 says those with good sense are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offense. To avoid a rash decision, James 1: 19 says let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. Are we playing our roles in marriage as God wants?
Prayer
Dear Lord Jesus Christ, for our stubborn hearts, we have offended your norms of marriage. We have failed to uphold the sanctity that honours the nature of your love for the Father and your union with him. Keep reminding us that in marriage we are one body and must love each other as such. Help us to respect marriage in all circumstances as an institution to help each other. Give us wisdom and strength to overcome the odds because of your blood. We pray in your blessed holy name, Amen!!
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